Remembering Games and Daisy Chains
by PervyMonk
Summary: The Courier managed to escape the Fort unscathed, and she wanders the wasteland in an effort to help others. But a new companion she meets in Jacobstown has her asking uncomfortable questions about who she is, and who she wants to be. Eventual Boone/F!Courier. Part 2 of Unfettered Howl.
1. No Place Like Home

PART TWO: Remembering Games and Daisy Chains

Chapter One: No Place Like Home

 _Someplace where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto? There must be. It's not a place you can get to by a boat or train. It's far, far away... behind the moon... beyond the rain._ -Dorothy, _The Wizard of Oz_ (1939)

Boone walks with an arm full of bandages and alcohol to Julie Farkas. He'd been staying at the Old Mormon Fort instead of the Lucky 38 to help out wherever he could. With his skill set, he'd mostly been a delivery boy for the doctors, and extra security for the Follower's base at night. He'd ask the doctors whenever he got a chance about Haze's brain injury, but the only one who could make any sense to him had been Arcade, who made an effort to use words he could understand.

Foolishly, he'd expected her to arrive back the day he had, if not a day after. But he and Arcade had gotten back to Freeside, and Boone had been left waiting. After the fourth day, Boone had thrown himself into helping the Followers to keep himself from worrying. By the sixth day, he'd been ready to shoulder his rifle and go after her, for better or worse.

After she'd been gone a week, she walks through the doors of the Old Mormon Fort with a group in tow. The people look weary and dirty. The oldest girl flinches every time a man walks too closely to her. Haze smiles down at a small child who holds her hand, and something aches in Boone's chest. Those people had obviously been slaves, and she'd gotten them out. He doesn't say anything, doesn't call out to her, unsure of what to say. Julie takes the medical supplies from him with a small smile.

"Thanks, Boone," she says. She looks between Boone and Lola, with the former unable to tear his eyes from the latter. "Go on and say hi-you've done more than enough here." He nods, swallowing, and moves toward Haze before stopping short. The oldest woman of the group hugs Haze tightly, kissing her cheek, and says what sounds to Boone to be a tearful thank you. Haze shakes the hand of the boy, and says to the oldest girl,

"You still hot- _got_ that pistol?" The girl nods, patting her side, and Lola nods in return. She looks up to see Boone in the middle of all the doctors, looking at her past his sunglasses. She considers what she might say to him after everything she'd been through the past few days.

"Still not Legion," is the greeting she settles on. Boone doesn't smile, instead saying,

"Huh. You were gone for a while. Didn't think you were coming back, Haze."

"Didn't want to stay," she says. "Vaccum- _vacation_ package there is shit." At that, his brow crinkles in amusement. He looks down over his sunglasses, and asks,

"Who is that?" Melody hides behind Lola's legs, clutching her hand. The poor child had hardly gone a moment without holding her hand. Lola can't imagine how scared she must be.

"You wanna intervene- _introduce_ yourself?" Lola asks. Melody looks up at her with wide, questioning eyes. "It's okay-he's my friend."

"I'm Melody," she says quietly. She then holds out her worn teddy bear. "And this is Sergeant Teddy."

"Huh. He's a Sergeant, is he?" Boone says, the ghost of a smile creeping along his lips. "He looks a sight tougher than some of the sergeants I've seen." Melody truly smiles at that, nodding her head vigorously.

"When we were behind enemy lines, Sergeant Teddy got captured. But Miss Lola went into the arena and saved him!" she says proudly. Boone looks at Lola with a strange expression before turning his attention back to Melody.

"Well, that doesn't surprise me," Boone eventually says, and her heart melts a bit at the words. She gives him a tentative smile, and he nods, faintly smiling back. Melody shyly steps out behind Lola's legs. Boone wordlessly holds his hand out and Melody takes it. He walks off to lead Melody to Julie, smiling down at her fondly, and Lola feels a sharp pain in her chest as she thinks of what a good father he would have been.

She hadn't seen any sign of Carla at the Fort, and no one would tell her anything.

"So, the mighty Dante returns," she hears, and she turns to see Arcade walking out of a tent.

"Relatively unhurt too," she says, ignoring the pull of her sutures.

"I'm glad you're back in one piece," Arcade says. "It was hard keeping Boone occupied-he's a bit of a mother hen when it comes to you, and worries far more than someone his age should."

"Worries about what I night- _might_ do," she mumbles.

"Worries about what might _happen_ to you," Arcade says sternly. The two of them watch as Melody holds Boone's hand, and how Julie crouches down with a smile to talk to her. "He cares about you a great deal, even if he's a bit lunk-headed about showing it." Lola makes a non-committal grunt in the back of her throat, not sure if she believes Arcade.

But she does hope he's right with a fierceness that frightens her because she cares a great deal for Boone too.

She and Arcade walk up to Boone, Julie and Melody. Melody looks up at her with wide and watery eyes.

"This lady is talking about me staying here. Are you leaving me here?" the girl asks quietly, and it's as bad as a punch to the gut. It makes Lola feel bad for her decision, even though she knows it is for the best. Lola crouches down, and puts on her best smile.

"Yeah," she says. "This is a good place for you." Melody shakes her head furiously.

"I want to come with _you,_ " she pleads. Lola winces, shaking her head in response.

"My kinda life," she starts. "What I do. How I live. It-it ain't gone- _good_ for kids."

"I wanna _be_ like you, Miss Lola," Melody insists. "No one will ever hurt me again if I'm like you." Panicked, Lola grabs Melody's shoulder.

"Don't say that," she says. "You don't want that. The Followers are good people-they'll feed you, you'll have a send- _safe_ place to sleep. They'll teach you things- _good_ things," she insists before Melody can protest. "You'll learn how to help people. All I could tent- _teach_ you is how to kill. Here, you'll learn to save people."

"You save people," Melody says quietly, her voice shaking and her eyes shining with tears. The young girl throws her arms around Lola, crying into her shoulder, and it's all Lola can do to keep from crying too.

"It'll pass," Julie says gently, still crouched next to them. "You're probably the only safe, stable person she's had in her life for a while-it's only natural she'd want to stay with you."

"She can't," Lola says shakily, and Melody sobs even harder at that. Lola hugs the girl, trying to comfort her. They stay like that for a few minutes until Melody's crying slows.

"I can come visit," she tries, rustling the girl's hair. "I don't live that far from here." Melody sniffs.

"Do you promise you won't forget?" she asks quietly, her voice thick from crying. Lola nods.

"I won't foreign- _forget_ ," she says gently. Melody reluctantly allows Julie to pull her from Lola, and the doctor pulls her away to show her around the Fort. Lola stands, stretching the tightness out of her legs. Melody looks over her shoulder at Lola, cheeks tear-stained, and Lola gives her a thumbs up. Weakly smiling, the girl returns the thumbs up.

"Huh," Boone says.

"You're good with kids," Arcade comments. Lola shakes her head.

"No," she says. "I don't think I am. I just don't line- _like_ people hurting kids." Did she feel that way before? Looking at Melody, and thinking of all the lost children at the Fort, she doesn't think it matters.

"You ready to head back?" Boone asks quietly. "I'm sure the others are worried." She nods, thinking of her friends with affection. She begins to walk to the exit of Old Mormon fort, and hears a few echoing footsteps beside her.

"Didn't you tell them?" she asks. Before Boone can comment, she looks over to see Arcade walking on the other side of them. He smiles unsurely, rubbing the back of his next.

"You're coming too?" she asks in surprise.

"Why not? There are people out there to help, things to learn. Maybe not in that order," he says. Lola looks around her almost frantically.

"Is there anyone following me?" she asks suspiciously. Boone's cheeks redden slightly, and Arcade laughs.

"No, no. I thought traveling with you for a bit might just be the thing I need to get out of my funk," he says. "I haven't made much progress in my research, and it's been disheartening."

"So, how was your descent into the 9th circle of hell?" Arcade asks as they make their way through Freeside. Various Kings wave at Lola, and she waves back. "Murderous, slaving monsters though they are, you had a chance few outsiders can lay claim to."

"Her trip to the Fort wasn't for intellectual curiosity," Boone says grouchily.

"No," Arcade starts carefully. "It wasn't-but I admit that I am curious as to what she saw, and what she thought about it, as I'm sure you are."

"It was frightening," she says, honestly and automatically. "There were crux- _crucifixions_ all over the place, most of them NCR soldiers." Boone grits his teeth at that. Lola's eyes get a bit cloudy, and she blinks it away. "There were children, little boys, training to be soldiers. They-the Legion-was training them to be vacant- _vicious._ The others struck one of their own, and they didn't stop, even with his pleading."

"Jesus," Arcade breathes. She shakes her head.

"Caesar," she says, and Boone glares at her pronunciation of the name. "Cee-sar," she corrects, and it seems to relax him, further the distance between her and the Legion in his mind. "He has headaches, like the kind I get sometimes."

"That's interesting," Arcade muses. "I doubt anyone's shot him in the head, though."

"I'd like to," Boone mumbles. Lola gets the feeling he thinks about killing Caesar a lot.

"He's old," she says softly. "He's old, and he's a madman."

"Well, Caesar used to be a follower. He wanted to rebuild the world in the image of the old-a sad story of good intentions gone bad. In that regard, he's hardly unique," Arcade says dryly. "He can quote Cato to suit his purpose, but all he is a jerk who steps on others to get his way."

"That's one way of putting it," Boone says. "I'd call him something stronger than a jerk, though."

"Well, my mother taught me to watch my manners. I have delicate sensibilities," Arcade jokes.

"Vul-" she stops herself. Names had power, and familiarity. She's half afraid saying his name will summon him, like some demon of legend. "The man who gave me my invent- _invitation_ is cruel, and merciless," she shudders, the phantom feeling of his hands running over her skin. "He is the devil." Before either man can ask more, they walk through the gates to the Strip. Victor rolls up to meet them, and Lola is all at once eased and unnerved by the robot's presence.

"It's mighty fine you're back, Lola!" Victor says enthusiastic. "Thanks for the upgrades-I feel brand new!" She doesn't know if she can smile, but she tries for Victor's sake, nodding in response.

"You've been a pretty popular lady while you've been gone! You have a letter from the NCR and a package from what I'd guess to be a secret admirer-didn't leave a name or anything," Victor says, and her stomach sinks a bit at that. "But I reckon you'd better talk to the boss first."

"Thanks, Victor," she says numbly.

"Upgrades?" Arcade asks. The men follow her into the Lucky 38, and into the elevator.

"I'll tell you later," Lola mumbles, fiddling with her pistol holster.

A flurry of thin limbs clothed in green fabric attacks Lola when the elevator doors open.

"Where have you _been_?" Veronica all but screeches, and her arms wrap around her tightly in a hug. She knocks Lola's hat off of her head in her enthusiasm. Lola's arms wrap around the girl instinctively, pulling her into a close hug.

"Hi, Arcade," she says in a much calmer tone of voice.

"Hey, Veronica," Arcade greets, reaching down to pick up Lola's hat to hand to her.

"Uh," Lola starts, looking down at the girl. "I was-"

"She had business to take care of," Boone says brusquely. Lola looks at him in surprise past Veronica's clinging arms. He gives her a small, almost invisible nod.

"You guys had business together?" Cass asks. She catches Raul's eye and, after checking that Boone and Lola weren't looking, makes an obscene gesture with her right fist and left index finger. Raul rolls his eyes, a smile playing on his lips and he nods his head in response. Before either Boone or Lola can answer, House's voice cuts in over the intercom.

"Ms. Haze, its good you're back," he says. "Meet me in the Presidential Suite with the Chip. We have much to discuss."

"Be right there, Mr. House," she answers wearily. Her gaze falls on the door of the master bedroom, and she sighs, longingly thinking of the bed. Veronica lets go of her, looking at her concernedly.

"I hate it when he does that," Cass mutters darkly. "Creepy fuck."

"Yeah, boss, House has asked after you for the past four days," Raul comments. She cringes at that, and moves toward the elevator. The doors slide shut, leaving Lola's companions together in the Presidential Suite. Lola avoids looking out the windows once she reaches the Penthouse Suite, stepping past Jane the securitron and making her way to House's screen. His large, unflinching face flickers on almost impatiently.

"I didn't expect you to take so long," he says by way of greeting. She nods.

"I escorted a family out of the Fort," she answers honestly. "They weren't used to the keene- _kind_ of pace I keep, so I slowed down for them." He makes some sort of disapproving noise, and then sighs.

"Well, I suppose in the world I am trying to build, there is a need for people like you," he says finally. "Come along then, to the elevator to your right. I have much to show you." Unwillingly, she steps into the elevator revealed by a moving bookcase. It's smaller, and less fancy than the main elevator. It jerkily begins to drop, and she watches the floors tick by one by one until she reaches the very bottom. The elevator opens to a dark, sparse basement room. She sees two securitrons behind safety glass.

"Closer to the demonstration area, if you would, Ms. Haze," House says, and he sounds excited. She cautiously moves closer, and House begins his speech on the securitron's upgrades. Apparently, they had been running on outdated software. Their current weapons had been their backups, though she shudders to think what weapon could be so powerful that a Gatling laser would be the spare gun. She doesn't have to wait long to find out. The securitrons begin using those shiny new rocket launchers, and a grenade goes off next to the safety glass, cracking it slightly.

"These upgrades constitute an almost 237% increase in effectiveness," House says proudly.

So not only had she gifted House's securitrons with rocket launchers, she'd given them grenades and a higher intellect as well. So not only were they robots with deadlier explosives, they were _smart_ robots with deadly explosives. She sighs, pushing the flat of her palm against her forehead in attempt to dull the ache building behind her eyes. Hadn't one of her books dealt with this kind of scenario?

"You have a very bright future ahead of you," House says almost fondly as she rides the elevator up from the basement back to the Penthouse Suite. "And, thanks to your actions, so does the rest of mankind." She takes the main elevator back to the Presidental Suite. She walks into the Presidental Suite, and several of her friends stick their heads out of their rooms at the sound. She waves, signaling that she's going to take a nap, and walks into the master bedroom.

On the bed, there is a box with a letter on top of it. Sure enough, the letter is from the NCR embassy on the Strip. She reads over it without emotion-someone named Ambassador Crocker is inviting her to meet with him about diplomatic matters, since she's caused such a stir on the Strip. She sets the letter aside-she'd have to remember to take Boone, and maybe Cass if the caravaneer could control her tongue. Out of all of her companions, they were the ones to have the most experience with the NCR. She feels a little uneasy at the thought of the meeting, but she chalks it up to lack of sleep. The NCR has good folks in it.

The box doesn't have a sender, only her name and The Lucky 38 written on it. She cuts the tape that holds the box closed, and cautiously peels pack the flaps. On top lies several barrel cactus flowers, and she cautiously fishes those out of the box, careful of their spiny stems. Her blood runs cold at the sight of a familiar checkered pattern, and next she pulls out Benny's suit jacket. The edges of it are stained with blood, and she drops it to the floor with a shudder. Underneath the jacket lay a machete and a pistol. She reaches for the pistol, ignoring the machete. She examines the stock of the pistol in the light of her room. The pearly white handle glistens, and the image of a woman wrapped in blue robes, with her head down in prayer, graces the handle.

" _Madre Dolorosa,"_ she whispers. On the back of the stock, the name 'Maria' is engraved. " _Ave Maria._ Mary." It's a beautiful weapon, and she wants to keep it, though she thinks it might be a bit morbid considering it is the gun Benny shot her with. She sets it aside, and takes a deep breath before looking back in the box. Beneath the machete is a note, and so she pulls it out. When she opens it to read it, she wishes she had the strength to throw it in the sender's face.

' _Darling Tenebrae,_

 _You left in such a haste that these trophies nearly found a permanent home in the dirt of the profligate's grave. Take them, and be proud of your accomplishment. Always find pleasure in an enemy slain, for I find pleasure in watching you slay them._

 _Vulpes.'_

With a shudder, she crumples the letter in her fist. Something bothers her, setting off warning bells in her head, and she furrows her brow.

What was that word Vulpes kept calling her?

Taking the letter, she exits the bedroom to look for Arcade. She finds him in one of the spare bedrooms, reading a book titled _The Gulag Archipelago,_ and notices with relief that he is alone.

"Arcade, what's a te-tena-," she starts but in frustration she pulls out Vulpes' note to find the word. "Ten-na-bray."

"Tenebrae?" he asks, his brow furrowed. She nods. "It's the Roman form of Keres. They were the daughters of Nyx, goddess of the night, and female death spirits. Their specialty was particularly in violent and bloody death-they were not merciful reapers." Lola falls uncomfortably silent, crumpling the note in her hand. The color leaks out of her cheeks and her eyes fall flat with regret.

"Lola?" he says quietly. "Where did you hear that word?"

"I was-" she starts, swallowing. "I was called that. After I k-killed Benny."

"Okay," Arcade says, and she could hug him for not reacting in disgust or fear at the knowledge of her killing Benny. "By who?" She looks down at the crumpled in her hand. She's unable to say Vulpes' name-more out of fear than because of her head-and she hands the note over to Arcade. He smooths it out on his book, pushing his glasses up his nose and begins to read.

"Oh," he says. "Vulpes Inculta?" She nods miserably and Arcade swears quietly. "And how does he call you 'tenebrae'?"

"With affection," Lola whispers, and the word fills her mouth like so much blood. It's an ugly thing, Vulpes' affection, and not something she thinks she can survive.

"Well," Arcade says, crumpling the note up again. "Let's get rid of this, and just ignore anything else he sends your way."

"He isn't a man to be ignoble- _ignored,_ " she says quietly.

"I doubt he'll try to get into the Lucky 38, and if we meet him out in the wasteland, well, that's what we have Boone for, right?" Arcade says, giving her what she is sure is meant to be a reassuring smile as he hands her the note back. She nods.

"Right," she says as though she could make herself believe it. She turns, going back to the master bedroom. She shuts the door behind her, looking at the letter crumpled in her hand. She takes Benny's lighter from her pocket, a now gruesome memento, and sets the letter aflame. She drops it into the trashcan, watching the carefully written words burn to ash. Dealings with the Legion always ended in hellfire-she isn't sure how she knows this, but it is a knowledge she holds on to with desperation.

Fear seems right in the face of Vulpes Inculta's smile.

She drops the machete in the trashcan as well, and picks up Benny's jacket. Idly, she considers throwing it out too, but decides against it. Swank would need proof of Benny's death. Some abraxo and elbow grease should take care of the blood. She should really give him back Benny's gun, but she decides the likes it, saturnine reminder of Benny though it is. Looking at the woman on the handle makes her feel a strange nostalgia, like if she reached hard enough she could remember something about her past. She strips out of her armor, and falls on the bed in relief. She drifts off to sleep listening to sounds of someone cooking in the kitchen, and of Veronica's laughter, and feels glad to be home.

* * *

"Hey, Boone," Veronica says, holding a wooden spoon out for him to taste. Gingerly, he tastes the scalding stew.

"It's good," he says honestly.

"You've said that the last five times I've made you try this," she says, though she sounds pleased. She turns back to the stove. Boone dries dishes and sets the aside for everyone to use. It's been a while since he's used actual dishes, instead of scraping food out of a can or a box so he wouldn't fall over during the night shift. ED-E beeps, floating in and out and playing the radio softly. Cass and Raul play Caravan, and Raul has a substantial amount of caps in front of him. Arcade is in the next room, and Boone can see him reading through the door way.

"Hey," Veronica says, pulling him from his thoughts. "Go wake up our fearless leader. She should eat something." He nods, setting the last bowl down next to the others, and goes to the master bedroom. He knocks, waiting for an answer. When none is given, he slowly opens the door and walks inside.

He sees the handle of a machete sticking out of the top of her trashcan. He picks it up, noticing that its Legion make. He looks down in the trashcan to see ashes coating the bottom of the can. His brow furrows-what could have been important enough to burn? He knew that spies would often burn any instructions they had received to keep them from being known by their enemies. His eyes follow the trail of armor to the large bed at the back of the room, and he counts the breaths she takes in her sleep.

 _What have I done other than pray in a language I don't cave-clearly remember to a god I know nothing about?_

He shakes his head. Lost past and a memory of Latin aside, Haze didn't seem the type to work with the Legion. Legion spies didn't go around freeing slaves, and they sure as hell didn't go around helping snipers that were vengeful against their entire culture. She'd said the Legion frightened her, and he believed her. He no longer believed that she would follow them willingly, but there were more persuasive reasons besides loyalty to follow someone.

 _You are loyal to the NCR, and I am loyal to you._ He can leave her to her secrets-God knows she's left him to his. And, if the Legion had used fear to manipulate her, well-that was just one more reason for him to enjoy taking them down.

His eyes trail over the foot of the bed, to follow the path of her body from the weathered bottoms of her feet. She sleeps on her stomach, her check buried in the pillow. Her armor lies in a haphazard path next to the bed and Boone carefully steps over it. She's well-muscled, and Boone notes with an ache that her dark skin is lighter than Carla's was. Burn scars cover her back with the worst of them centered on her shoulders. They seem to trail down her skin like rain flooding a window. He reaches over to grab the corner of the blanket and pulls it over her gently to cover her up. He doesn't touch her until he hears a soft whimper.

The hand lying on the pillow clutches it, her fingers digging deeply into the fabric. She cries out in her sleep, and the sound echoes with frightened despair in Boone's ears. He places a hand on the top of her head, rubbing her hair affectionately.

"Shh, Haze," he says softly. "You're safe-they can't get you here." She calms down slightly, her hand still clutching the pillow, and he idly keeps rubbing the top of her head.

"I'm with you. I'll protect you," he says, though given his previous track record he isn't sure if that will do more harm than good for her nightmares.

"I notice you do that a lot," he hears. He looks up to see Cass leaning against the doorway, a full bottle of whiskey in one hand and a full bowl of food in the other. "The whole comforting thing when she has nightmares."

"Veronica does it too," he says defensively, taking his hand from her hair. "And Raul."

"No, they don't," Cass says, her eyes piercing as though she is looking right through him. "Not the way you do."

"Oh yeah?" he asks, not liking the direction this conversation is beginning to take.

"They comfort her like she's their sister, or daughter," she says almost conversationally. "You comfort her like..." here, her voice falters at the heated glare Boone gives her. "Like she's something else." Boone walks to the doorway, and stiffly moves past her.

"Why are you so afraid to touch her when she's awake, Boone?" Cass asks when he passes her.

"Go to hell," he answers, surprised at the venom in his own voice. After risking one last look at Haze's sleeping form, Boone flees to the closest spare bedroom, and ignores Veronica's urging to come have dinner.

"Touchy," Cass mutters under her breath. She walks over to the bed, setting down the bowl of food and the whiskey on the nightstand. She gently kicks the bedframe, and Lola's eyes fly open.

"Hey, wake up, heartbreaker," Cass says, and the sound of her voice soothes the panic Lola felt at being jerked awake. "Better eat some dinner before Veronica has a conniption fit."

"Heartbreaker?" Lola yawns widely, reaching for the food on the nightstand. Cass chuckles, shaking her head.

"Nevermind," she says, wondering how long Boone is going to sulk in the guest bedroom. "Eat up, champ."

* * *

Lola eyes everyone in the Strip around them with suspicion. If anyone gets too close to her, she tilts her head to see their face. She swears he is here-he can feel her eyes on her. She can hear the echo of his voice in her head, and nothing she can do can chase it away.

"You okay?" a voice asks next to her ear and she jumps.

"Yeah," she says to Boone, catching her breath.

"Looking for someone in particular?" he asks, brow furrowed. She can't tell his expression from behind his sunglasses.

"No," she says, forcing herself to look ahead of her, and not at the people that push past them to get to the Casinos. He could be anyone, and she'd never know. She forces a smile. "No one at all."

Freeside is a little easier. The people are fond of them there, and she sees enough familiar faces around her that it calms her down a bit. A stray King runs up to her, and she fights the urge to jump at his loud footsteps. He holds an apple out to her, thanking her with stuttering words for helping Freeside. She smiles, taking a bite out of the apple, and his face lights up, showing his youth.

"Ya'll need any help?" she asks. She liked all of the Kings of Freeside, and wanted to check in on how The King was doing with Major Kiernan's relief effort.

"The King's dog is real sick," the King says, and her brow furrows as she remembers Rex.

"I'll stop in," she says. The group makes their way through Freeside to the King's School of Impersonation. As they walk in, Pacer lowers his head and skulks away to the stairs. They find The King in the longue, listening to one of his men sing, and he has Rex curled up in his lap. The brain in the dog's brain case looks sicker than the last time she'd seen him, black spots devouring it.

"Look, Rexie," The King says gently. "We have some visitors." The dog barks weakly, growling when he catches sight of Lola's hat. She takes it off hastily, crouching down to pet the cyberdog.

"Hey, boy," she says. "Remember me?" The dog licks her hand as if answering her. She looks up at The King. "He looks bad."

"He's not doin' so hot, poor boy," The King says. "I went to the Followers to see if they could help him but I came back empty handed."

"There's a doctor in Jacobstown that specializes in cyberdogs," Arcade says causally, and The King's head snaps up to look at him disbelievingly. "I would have told you, but you were more interested in giving me a black eye." The King laughs nervously, a flush creeping over his cheeks and down his neck.

"Well, I guess I was mighty steamed at the time," The King says apologetically. "I'm glad to see your eye has healed."

"And now I'm back to my handsome, charming self," Arcade says.

"That you are," The King agrees. Lola looks between the two of them again, raising an eyebrow at Arcade. The doctor blushes almost as red as The King, and says quickly,

"We can take him to Jacobstown, if that's okay with our fearless leader." Lola smiles, scratching Rex behind the ears.

"Come on, boy," she says. "Let's get you a new bin- _brain._ " The dog barks happily in response.

* * *

Filler chapter is filler! So, we're getting into part two of what I have planned! I have a lot of stuff planned, so I am going to break this up into separate stories, much like Cressida Isolde and Pookie02 have done with their Fallout fics. (Which are totes awesome) I'll keep this chapter up here at the end of part one, and update it in the new story.

Thank you all for your support! I appreciate hearing from you all, and the patience you had while waiting. I probably won't update as quickly once work starts, but I've set a schedule that I am going to try and stick to.


	2. Reflections in a Shattered Mirror

Chapter Two: Reflections in a Shattered Mirror

 _With your feet on the air  
And your head on the ground  
Try this trick and spin it, yeah  
Your head'll collapse  
If there's nothing in it  
And you'll ask yourself_

 _Where is my mind?-_

 _Where is My Mind?-The Pixies (1988)_

Boone lowers his rifle, the barrel of it still smoking. The last cazador from the nest down the hillside falls. Cass whistles lowly as Haze and Veronica move to harvest the poison glands.

"Damn, soldier boy," she says. "How far away was that?"

"I dunno," Boone says, shouldering his rifle and watching Haze catch Veronica as she stumbles over some loose rocks. "Half a mile? Not my best shot."

"How is that not your best shot?" Raul asks incredulously.

"Wasn't aiming for its wings," Boone replies. Cass snorts, saying a prolonged 'shit' underneath her breath. The girls harvest the glands, and the rest of the group waits for them to come back. Boone looks down at Rex, panting and wagging his tail happily. Rex barks the closer the women get to them. He isn't healthy-the brain in his case shines black and sickly, but the dog seems happy to be outside. Boone reaches down to pet him, and Rex growls.

"Easy, boy, easy," Boone says gently. "I'm on your side."

"It's the hat," Boone hears from beside him. He looks over to see Haze standing next to him. She'd forgone her usual hat, and she subconsciously brushes her hair over her scars in an effort to hide them. "He danger- _doesn't_ like them." Boone looks down at the dog, and sees Rex tilt his head. He takes his beret off, and Rex barks happily. Boone pats his braincase, scratching the dog behind the ear, and then put his hat back on. The group continues up the winding path to Jacobstown.

"What's Doc Henry like?" Veronica asks Arcade. The doctor shrugs nonchalantly, but both Boone and Haze can see the tension coiled tight in his shoulders.

"Oh, he's a genius," Arcade says. "A bit on the grouchy and unfriendly side-he doesn't like people very much, preferring the company of animals, ghouls, supermutants-anything and anyone that isn't human, really. That's why he went to Jacobstown-no people, only supermutants."

"How did you meet him?" Veronica asks, and that tension increases tenfold. Arcade inhales softly, a barely audible sound, but Boone and Haze both catch it.

"I've known him since I was a child," Arcade answers unsurely.

"Oh! Did you meet him through the Followers?" Veronica asks excitedly.

"Well, he is a doctor," Arcade says, and Boone makes note of his non-answer. The group continues to walk the path to Jacobstown, moving further and further from the low Mojave up into the mountains. The mountains glisten with white, reflecting the light of the sun the way metal does.

"What's up ahead?" Lola asks, gesturing to the tops of the mountains that have become visible. She squints against the reflection of the sun. "That shiny white stuff?"

"That's snow, boss," Raul says with a chuckle. At her confused look, he quits laughing, and asks quietly, "You've never seen snow?" She shakes her head.

"Neither have I," Veronica pipes up. "Always wanted to have a snowball fight, though."

"You're not missing much," Boone says. Arcade nods in agreement and Cass lets out a strangled noise of offense.

"He's right," Arcade says. "The stuff is terribly cold. The only good thing about it is that it melts into water."

"You guys are fuckin' communists," Cass says. She catches Lola's eye. "Don't you listen to them-snow is amazing." The path to Jacobstown goes by quickly with the idle chatter of the group of friends. Lola leans down to touch the snow, and makes a face at how cold it is. Eventually, they reach the top of the road, and a crudely painted sign proclaiming 'Jacobstown' for any who see it. A large, green super mutant patrolling the gate. Lola can feel the tension of her group as they walk up, even though Arcade had assured them the super mutants were friendly.

"Howdy, humans," the super mutant calls, and his voice sounds less crazed than other super mutants Lola has heard. "Welcome to Jacobstown!"

"Hi, Marcus," Arcade greets. The super mutant smiles, all teeth.

"Hi, Arcade. Here to see Doc Henry?" Arcade nods, motioning to Rex.

"We have a sick cyber dog." Marcus crouches down, holding his hand out for Rex to sniff. The dog sniffs it before barking and wagging his tail weakly, but happily. Marcus pets him.

"Doc can get him patched right up," he says, looking out at the rest of the group. "Who are your friends?" The members of the group introduce themselves one by one, and Marcus nods in approval.

"You're welcome here," he says again. "But don't cause trouble. If you're NCR," here, he gives a pointed look to Boone's beret, "Keep it to yourself-they aren't real popular with the folks around here. And don't look at the Nightkin-they don't like it." Lola nods as the others give varying affirmative responses. Looking past Marcus' shoulder, she sees old and almost rotten wooden buildings blanketed by snow. The place would look almost idyllic, if not for age and the supermutants wandering the grounds. Lola sees a large nightkin with a straw hat, crouched down and tending to a flower bed.

"Doc Henry is inside the lodge," Marcus says, and his voice catches Lola's attention again. Arcade thanks Marcus, and leads the group to the large wooden building in the back. Cass leans down to scoop up some snow, and when Lola catches her eye she puts a finger to her lips. She rolls it into a ball between her hands and throws it at Raul. It hits him in the back, and some of the snow flies up into the collar of his jumpsuit.

" _Cabron!"_ Raul swears, jumping a little, and trying to fish the snow out of his jumpsuit. Cass snorts. Raul, catching Cass's eye, swears again and gives her a small smile.

"You just wait," he says, and she laughs in the face of his promise. The group walks into the almost decrepit lodge only to come face to face with a group of nightkin.

"You, girl," the Nightkin leader says. Lola keeps her eyes pointed downwards, not even looking at his feet. "You're not like the others. Humans are always staring at things, at Nightkin. But they stare at you, too."

"Yeah," she says quietly to Keene's feet.

"Sunken-in head, rough scars," Keene says. "Blood under your fingernails, blood over your skin-you are heavy with the scent of it." She does look up at him at that, her eyes hard, and the Nightkin flinches into himself, as if he could force himself to disappear. She hears the other nightkin whispering to themselves almost fearfully.

" _Head voices say they knew flower girl's father."_

" _The quiet man knows more than he says about horns!"_

 _"Head voices know smelly ghoul. He's good with guns."_

"Blood," Keene says defiantly, still shrinking from Lola's gaze. "Other people's blood-its as much a part of you as your own."

"Enough, Keene," Doc Henry calls from his lab. "There is no need to antagonize those who are here to help us." Keene growls, and the feral sound of it echoes throughout the lobby. He tries to level a glare at Lola before shrinking back from her gaze, and he stomps away with thundering monstrous footsteps.

"Come on in," Doc Henry says. "Please excuse Keene-he isn't used to visitors." The Nightkin hisses, slinking out of sight, and Lola swallows past a strange lump in her throat. Doc Henry looks to Arcade once, and gives him a slight nod of recognition before walking back to his equipment.

"What is it you folks need?" he asks, fiddling with the valve of a strange looking device that Lola can't make sense of.

"We have a Cyber-Dog," Veronica starts. "He's sick." Doc Henry's eyes cut over to Rex. His hard, aged face seems to soften a bit when he looks at the mutt.

"He's not sick," Doc Henry says, stopping his ministrations on his machinery long enough to crouch down and hold his hand out to Rex. "He's dying. It's neural dedragation. Bio-gel was only meant to preserve a brain for so long. He needs a new one."

"Where could we flame- _find_ one?" Lola asks quietly, and Doc Henry turns his piercing silver gaze to her.

"There's an old woman I knew who lived outside of Novac," he says, eyeing Lola curiously. "Griffith? Graham? I haven't left Jacobstown in ages, but she lived with a pack of hounds."

"Gibson," Boone says, a barely surprised groan trailing off at the doctor's mention of the name. "Great. I hope the King is willing to reimburse us. She'd talk the clothes off of your back."

"You'd begrudge an old woman her living?" the doctor asks, amused.

"Old ain't stupid," Boone mutters darkly. "She knows how to bleed a person dry."

"You," Doc Henry says to Lola, and she gets the same feeling of being examined under a magnifying glass with his gaze as she did with Arcade the first time she'd met him. "You make Keene uncomfortable."

"I make a lot of people uncomfortable," she says uneasily.

"'People,'" he quotes, a small smile playing on his lips. "Keene and his nightkin haven't been people, not for a long time. You're awful kind-for a mercenary." The doctor continues to monitor his instruments, and his tone sounds as though he were just making small talk.

"I'm oily- _only_ a merc if the situation calls for it," she answers uncomfortably, catching Arcade's eye. The Follower doesn't give anything away but she can see a slight furrow in his brow.

"How do you feel about Nightstalkers?" Doc Henry asks.

"Do I what now?" she asks, confused by this new line of questioning.

"Nightstalkers," Doc Henry says patiently. "They've been harassing the brahamin, and making the nightkin uneasy."

"You want to take a _commit_ -contract out on nightstalkers?" she asks incredulously. Doc Henry nods again. _Well, that is unexpected._ For a moment, she had expected Doc Henry to ask her to hunt a person down. He nods.

"There have been Nightstalkers attacking the bighorners. The thing is that they have been attacking under the cover of a stealth field."

"Huh," Arcades says. "That's interesting-and weird." Doc Henry nods.

"I'm not entirely convinced the mutation is a natural one," he says. "I sent some of the nightkin to look into it, but they couldn't find anything. "

"We can look into it," Lola says. Doc Henry gives her a smile, and something tells her the expression is foreign to him.

"Thank you," he says. "Your fresh eyes may do better. Lily may want to go with you-she's the one who cares for the bighorners, and has been greatly upset by these recent events."

"Where do we find her?" Lola asks.

"She's usually in the garden at this time," he answers.

"We need someone to go get a brain for Rex too," Arcade says. "It would be best if we gave him a transplant sooner than later."

"I'll go," Veronica volunteers. "I'm good at haggling."

"I'll go too," Cass cuts in. "Pretty thing like you needs protection out there."

"And I'll go to make sure cowgirl here doesn't get into any trouble she can't handle," Raul deadpans. Cass eyes him suspiciously.

"You just want to get me back," she says.

"When you least expect it," Raul promises.

"I'll stay, and clear out the nightstalkers," Lola says. Boone nods, and she looks at him. "Are you strolling- _staying_ with me?" Boone nods, ignoring the lascivious way Cass wiggles her eyebrows at him.

"Just tell me where to point me gun," he grunts. Lola speaks to Veronica, Cass and Raul-they make plans to meet back in Jacobstown in three days time. Lola gives the remainder of her caps to Veronica, and says to pay whatever it takes for a new brain, ignoring Boone's face. She bends down to pet Rex's braincase as Veronica, Cass and Raul leave.

"Don't worry, boy," she says softly. "We'll make you better." Boone watches Haze from behind his sunglasses, and his pinched expression softens into something kinder. Arcade looks between the two of them.

"Ah," he says softly to himself. "Thought so." Lola stands and leaves the lab with Boone following close behind. He moves to follow them but Henry calls.

"Arcade?" He stops for the familiar sound of the doctor calling his name. "Would you help me with these calibrations? I am afraid my eyes aren't what they used to be."

"Your eyes are fine," Arcade says pleasantly, moving to accept the instrument that Doc Henry offers him. "But I'll help you anyway." Lola and Boone walk out of the lodge, careful to avoid looking at the nightkin that sulk in the corner. Lola squints her eyes at the reflection of the sun against the snow. She sees the same nightkin as before tending to the garden with an absurdly large and worn silk flower pinned to a straw hat. The nightkin hums loudly.

"Hello?" Lola says. The nightkin turns and, upon seeing the two of them, smiles a horrific smile with all teeth.

"Hello, Pumpkin!" The nightkin yells, gathering Lola up in massive blue arms. Boone swears, reaching for his rifle. The nightkin presses an enthusiastic and sloppy kiss to Lola's cheek. "Gramma is happy to see you, Becky!"

"Hello, grandma," Lola says calmly. She looks past the nightkin's arms to Boone, and shakes her head. "My name is Lola."

"Lola?" the nightkin asks, releasing Lola from the bear hug. Confusion colors the nightkin's voice as she says the name. Realization seems to hit her all at once, and the nightkin closes her eyes in embarrassment. "Of course. I'm sorry, pumpkin. I get confused sometimes."

"S'ok," Lola says, giving the nightkin what she hopes is a reassuring smile. "Me too. Are you Lily?"

"I am! What can I do for you?"

"Doc Henry has hired us to deal with some monster- _mutated_ nightstalkers up in the mountains," Lola says. "Would you like to come along?

"Ooooh, those nightstalkers!" Lily almost snarls, slapping a closed fist into her palm. "Always killing my bighorners! I'd like to give them a piece of my mind!"

"Whenever you're ready, we're closing- _clearing_ them out," Lola says. Lily nods, smiling fearfully again.

"Just let me finish planting this patch of corn, and we'll head out," Lily says excitedly. "It's been a while since I've seen any action!"

* * *

The cave isn't too far from the settlement, and Lola can see how the nightstalkers could be getting to the bighorners. What she can't see is the nightstalkers themselves. There seems to be no sign of life, save the faint howling echoing from the cave entrance. They enter the cave, keeping an eye out for any nightstalkers.

They don't find any until one bites Lola in the leg. She swears, bringing the butt of her pistol down. She hears a yelp, and sees the shimmering of a stealth field. She aims at the near invisible movement, and hears the tell-tale thud of a body hitting the ground.

"Huh, I'll be damned," Boone says. The corpse crackles like a dying stealth boy before flashing into view. They continue to move further into the cave to clear out the night stalkers, and the mission becomes easier now that she knows to look for the shimmer of a stealth field. She can hear the voices of children faintly in the background every so often.

"What is that?" Lola asks, tilting her head to listen. "Those voices?" The voices of laughing and squealing children echo throughout the silence of the cavern. Lola worries that the sound might be loud enough to attract the nightstalkers, but can't bring herself to care past the sadness in Lily's eyes.

"Oh, this old thing? These are the voices of my grandchildren," she says as quietly as a nightkin can manage. "From the last time I visited them." A kind old voice echoes out from the holotape, declaring 'kisses for Becky and Jimmy!' The children laugh even louder, the sound punctuated by purposefully loud smooching noises. "The medicine makes me forget, dearie, and I play this to remember them."

Lola doesn't say anything. She only listens in heavy silence to the voices on the holotape, and tries to ignore the faint but inevitable sound in the background of the holotape decaying. Lily can't remember-that's a story as familiar to Lola as, well, anything else. It is one of the _only_ things that is familiar. Boone, giving no indication that he had heard their conversation other than the grim set of his jaw, motions for them to be silent.

"There's something in the distance," Lola says, moving past a dead night stalker. On the ground lies a chewed up stealth boy. Lola gingerly picks it up with a low whistle. "This explains a lot."

They find the nest, and there is more of them than Lola expected. It's hard to keep up with the nightstalkers with their damned stealth fields, and more than once one of them gets the drop on her. Lily gets swarmed with them, and yells out a pained cry of rage. Lola and Boone shoot the nightstalkers down.

"Lily?" Lola asks, but the supermutant doesn't hear her. Boone lowers his rifle warily. Lola moves close to her. "Lily?" she asks again.

With a booming and angry cry, Lily turns and wildly swings her bumper sword. Lola barely dodges, rolling out of the way as the bumper sword cleaves a stealth-boy covered nightstalker in half, and embeds in the cave wall. Lily roars, advancing toward Lola and leaving her bumper sword in the wall. Boone, swearing, lines his rifle up for the shot.

"Don't!" Lola cries out to him. She holds her hand out as though she could stop the shot. "LILY!" Lily shakes her head at the sound of Lola's voice, and Lola hopes it means the nightkin is coming back to herself. But she only stops long enough to savagely ripping her bumper sword from the wall. Chunks of rock crumble at her feet, and a booming, wild shout of rage rips from her throat. Lola feels a hand grasp hers, and she's pulled back just as Lily swings her bumper sword through the air. Air hisses around the blade as Lily swings it through the space Lola had just been standing, and the pitiful cry of a nightstalker echoes through the cave. Lola finds herself shoved into a narrow hollow, inclined down into the cave, and Boone blocks her body with his.

"Shit," he swears, pulling her down to the ground. "Stay down." Lola jumps as she hears the echo of the bumper sword hitting rock, and Lily's booming yell of rage.

"CHOP THEM HARDER, LEO!"

"Lily," Lola says in a pained whisper. She moves to stand, but Boone presses her back down with his hands on her shoulders and the weight of his body. The jagged wall digs into the small of her back, and he feels uncomfortably warm pressed against her.

"Shhh," he says, his breath blowing past her ear. She shifts uncomfortably between his chest and the cave wall, but he doesn't budge. "Just stay down until it's over." Boone shifts his hands from her shoulders, and they move toward the rifle hostlered on his back. Lola reaches for his hands without thinking. Boone hisses at the feeling of her hands grasping his.

"Don't hurt her," she whispers. "Just lay low until it's over, when- _right?_ "

"She comes after us, she's dead," he whispers back. She tightens her grip on his hands. He gives them a quick, hard squeeze before pulling away from her grip. The two of them wait, huddled in the hollow. Eventually, the only noise left is the echoing sound of Lily's breathing.

"Becky? Jimmy?" Lily calls, sounding more like herself.

"Lily?" Lola calls, and Boone swears. Lily comes into view and he aims his rifle at her.

"Are you two alright?" Lily asks, almost fearfully. "Leo didn't hurt you, did he?"

"Leo?" Boone asks sharply, and the edges of his voice are rough with adrenaline.

"What happened back there?" Lola asks warily.

"I'm sorry, dearie," Lily says, apologetic regret coloring her voice. "Sometimes Grannie listens to Leo when she shouldn't. The medicine is supposed to help with it, but Grandma doesn't take it as often as she should," Lily says almost guiltily. "Grandma doesn't want to miss the sounds of her Jimmy and Becky." Boone opens his mouth again to say something, but Lola shakes her head and cuts in.

"Nevermind, grandma," she says, ignoring the silent fury Boone turns her way. "What matters is no one got hurt. Let's get back to the lodge."

"I told you nightkin are dangerous," Boone whispers out of the corner of his mouth.

"So are you, and I won't leave you behind," she snaps. Ignoring his perturbed expression, she walks faster to catch up with Lily, who walks quickly as though fleeing from them.

* * *

The three of them make it back to Jacobstown in silence. Arcade meets them at the front of the lodge, and Lily looks like she could run from them, if given the chance.

"Lily, could I tank- _talk_ to you?" Lola asks softy. Looking at Boone pointedly, she adds, "Alone?"

"No way in hell-" Boone starts but Arcade shushes him.

"Boone, come on," Arcade says genially. "Doc Henry needs some equipment moved, and I can't do it by myself." Boone seems to glower at Arcade from behind his glasses but the doctor doesn't even flinch.

"Boone," Lola says firmly. He turns his gaze to her, and she can make out his unhappiness in the set of his brow. She doesn't shrink from his gaze.

"I'll keep an eye on you," Boone says finally, more to Lily than to Lola.

"I understand, dearie," Lily says. "You go play nice now." Once Arcade lead Boone back to the lodge (with the latter looking over his shoulder at them every so often), Lola says,

"You wanna talk about what happened back there in the cave?" Lily sighs, looking down at her feet.

"I'm sorry you had to meet Leo, dear," she says. "He isn't a very good man. The medicine keeps him at bay, but…" at this, Lily's voice trails off.

"But you can't remember Jimmy and Becky," Lola finishes. Lily nods sadly. "You have to take your medicine, Lily."

"I know," she says, oddly quiet for a nightkin.

"But you shouldn't lose your mettle- _memories_ ," Lola says. "I'm no doctor, but maybe try half-doses?" Lily nods.

"Doc Henry says the full amount is the most effective," she says hesitantly. "But some should be better than none."

"Right," Lola says. "Why don't you think amount- _about_ coming with us when we get Rex fixed up?"

"Are you sure, honey?" Lily asks, looking back toward the lodge. "I don't think your soldier boy would like that very much."

"He's not mine," Lola says quickly. "And Boone doesn't like much of anything."

Lola walks back into the lodge, and hears Doc Henry calling her from his lab. Arcade and Boone are already in there, helping the doctor. She lets Boone show Doc Henry the chewed up stealth boy, only stopping long enough to tell Arcade about her offer to Lily. He nods, pursing his lips and his eyes cut over to look at Boone. She ignores that knowing glance and continues to help Doc Henry. The sun moves lower in the sky until eventually Doc Henry has to light candles and lanterns so they can see. She moves the equipment where he directs her, and she fixes the holes in the lodge walls, pleasantly surprised at how much she likes this new use of her hands. It's easy to let her hands fix something for once instead of just destroying.

It's less easy to ignore Boone's heavy gaze following her around the lab, his brow furrowed and his jaw clenched. Eventually he leans over to Arcade and quietly says something she can't hear. Arcade nods, looking toward her.

"Hey," he says. She looks up from her work. "When you get a minute, meet us in the kitchen?" She nods, finishing hammering in the last nails from her job patching the wall. Doc Henry nods in approval, and silently hands her some medical supplies as payment. She walks across the lobby to the small kitchen, ignoring the nightkin that desperately try to cling to the shadows. When she opens the door, neither Boone or Arcade is sitting down. Boone stands with his arms crossed tightly across his chest, and Arcade tries to give her a reassuring smile.

"You two look like upset parents," she comments, remembering some of the parents she saw back in Freeside scolding their children.

"We," Arcade starts, looking at Boone. He sighs. "We don't think it's safe to be around Lily."

"What do you mean?" she asks warily.

"Haze, when she doesn't take her medicine she has psychotic breaks. Sometimes, she attacks our enemies but one of these days, she's going to go crazy and attack one of us. Then we're going to have to put her down," Boone says, and Arcade winces.

"Boone, we talked about this. We were going to do this with tact, remember?" the doctor says exasperatedly.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Lola says, and anger, white-hot and ready to fight, flares up in her voice. Arcade exhales in a long-suffering sigh. _This_ is what he'd been hoping to avoid.

"You heard me," Boone says stubbornly, and Arcade throws his hands up in exasperation.

"What Boone means to say is that sometimes Lily loses herself and we're worried about the danger she poses to others," he says, glaring at Boone.

"If she travels with us, there is no guarantee she won't lose it and attack us," Boone says.

"She needs someone to take care of her," Lola says, and behind the anger her voice sounds small. "Boone, _that's not her fault._ "

"No," Boone acknowledges. "And it won't be her fault when she tries to tear you apart. But that won't stop it from happening, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand by and let it happen to you."

"You don't get to decode- _decide_ what happens to me!"

"Oh, and what? I'm supposed to just watch you get yourself killed by an insane supermutant out of a misguided sense of kindness?" Arcade pushes his seat back in defeat as Lola bites out,

"Fan- _fuck_ you, Boone! Lily is my _friend_!"

"Arcade, exit stage left," the doctor mutters to himself, gathering up the book he'd been reading and exiting the longue. The door swinging shut does little to silence the sound of their argument. He wonders if they'll even notice that he's gone, and hopes Lola doesn't take another swing at Boone. The nightkin are jumpy enough as it is without a fistfight breaking out in their home.

"Why is it so important to you to take her with us?" Boone demands. "She's better off here, and you know it." Haze opens her mouth to speak, then shuts it again. Snatches of her conversation with Lily flash through her mind-of how the medicine makes her mind foggy, how she plays that single holotape so she can hear the voices of her grandchildren, and of the confusion that sucks her mind into an endless black void. She can't express why she feels connected to Lily-the words won't come to her-so she keeps her mouth stubbornly shut. Boone grits his teeth, but before he can speak the door to the kitchen swings open.

"I brought cookies to apologize for my behavior, pumpkin," Lily says, holding out a burnt tray of what Boone assumes is cookies. Haze's face softens, and she takes one of the blackened offerings.

"Thanks, Grandma," she says, sitting down at an ancient Pre-War table. Her face hardens again when she makes eye contact with Boone. He didn't think it was possible for someone to look vindictive while eating a cookie, but Haze manages it with startling ferocity. Boone doesn't take one, but remains silent until Lily leaves the room.

"Haze-" he starts, but she shakes her head.

"This discussion is done," she says, standing up. She takes the plate of burnt cookies from the table.

" _Haze-_ " he says exasperatedly, but she pushes past him and exits the lodge. He sighs, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling.

"Just wanna keep you safe," he says to an empty room.

* * *

Boone knows he should give her space-Arcade even says as much. But eventually he can't stand having her out of his sight ( _where he can keep her safe)_ and goes to find her.

He finds her sitting out on the front porch of the lodge, knees tucked underneath her chin and a too baggy homemade sweater. It's a bright green color, like the algae that gathers in water that isn't irradiated to hell and back. It keeps slipping off of her shoulders, exposing the bare skin, as though it were made for a creature much larger than a human and forced upon her to keep her from getting cold. She pulls it up with the hand not holding a cigarette to her lips. Boone sits down next to her. She doesn't say anything in response, just continues to look up at the moon through the haze of her cigarette smoke.

"Do you feel sorry for them?" Boone asks, remembering how they'd snuck past the nightkin at Black Mountain and REPCONN. "The Nightkin? Lily?"

"Not sorry," she says. She smiles wryly. "I relate to them. They're broken-" here, she motions to her bullet scars. "I'm broken. We're kindness- _kindred_ spirits. Lily is kind. She _wants_ to be good, Boone."

"Like you want to be good," he says. She nods miserably.

"Yeah," she says, her voice barely a whisper. "Lily can't remember," she smiles but the grief of it marks her face. "She-the medicine-it takes away the vases- _voices_ of her grandchildren."

"You can't remember either," he says quietly. She nods.

"No," she says. "Not a thing. I _can't_ take that away from her, Boone. I _can't."_

"How would she know?" he asks, but not unkindly.

"I would know," she says, her voice hard with conviction. He looks at her, really looks at her, for what feels like the first time since he'd met her. She's not pretty, though he thinks she may have been before the bullets. The right side of her head is caved in just slightly, and highly noticeable, but Boone would say that he'd have to look hard to see it if he'd felt kind.

He feels inexplicably kind, when looking at her in the moonlight.

He's never really forced himself to _see_ her before. What catches the most attention are the scars, snaking down from her temple all the way down her cheek, like a skeletal hand cupping her face. She's covered in scars, some she can remember and some she can't. Striking green eyes sit almost lopsidedly in a dark face, and her auburn hair hangs around her face like thin, tangled agave roots. He avoids touching her whenever he can-he leaves the affection to the others who are better at it. Veronica's always scrambling to walk arm-in-arm with her. Cass usually punches her shoulder after a job well done and, on those rare occasion when Haze's face crumbles, Raul will pull her into his arms and hug her tightly. Boone can't force himself to do any of that, though some nights when sleep evades him, he imagines that he could. He imagines pulling her into his arms, of being the one that this impossibly fragile and unthinkably resilient woman reaches out to for comfort. But he always stops those thoughts before they can go too far.

He can't let the weight of his heart dig a grave for her, too.

She brings her cigarette up to her too thin lips, and takes a deep drag. When she exhales and looks at him, he lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"You okay?" she asks quietly, and her voice only strengthens whatever spell had come over him. He swallows, forcing his eyes away, and answers an affirmative like a stuttering schoolboy. She looks at him, furrowing her brow as she's asking him in her stumbling way if he is alright, and all he can think of is sunlight shining off of the black hair he can see through his scope.


	3. Looking Around for Someplace Near

Chapter Three: Looking Around for Someplace Near

" _It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them."_ -George Elliot

Lola spends the remaining time waiting helping out the supermutants of Jacobstown. The three days the group had settled on is almost up, and Cass, Raul and Veronica sent word with a courier that they are due back any hour today with Rex's new brain. Lola hopes the other half of their group being back will ease the tension in the air. Boone's been oddly quiet, avoiding her and leaving the room whenever she walks in. She can feel his eyes on her whenever she is around Lily-the supermutant taught her to garden, and she finds she likes having dirt covered hands as opposed to blood covered ones-but he hasn't made any effort to talk to her. She wonders if he's angry-she refused to budge on her offer to Lily-but she tries not to read too much into his silence.

Marcus finds her while she's gardening with Lily. The supermutant had put her too large straw hat on Lola's head-to protect "Becky" from sunburns, she had said- and Lola pushes it up when she hears Marcus calling her name.

"Lola," he says urgently. "Got something I could use your help with."

"Of course," Lola says, setting her trowel down next to a new patch of carrots she'd helped Lily plant. She wipes the dirt off her hands and onto her jeans. "Just none- _name_ it."

"We've been having NCR mercs harass the town, and they just showed up again."

"Oh," she says. "Let me go get some ammo." Marcus shakes his head vigorously.

"I don't want you to kill them," he says. "Not looking for a fight. That will only give the NCR a reason to come and wipe us out."

"I don't understand what you want me to do," she says as she stands.

"Talk them into leaving," Marcus offers. "You're human-they might listen to you." Lola scoffs.

"You don't have the ring- _right_ person for that."

"Hell, bribe them if you have to," Marcus pleads. "Just don't kill them."

"I'll see what I can do," she promises. Boone sees her as she makes her way down the road, and stands to follow her. He keeps his distance as he watches her catch up to the mercs.

The group is laughing, fiddling with something when Lola walks up. She can see that it's some sort of explosive, possibly a grenade.

"Hey," she says. "I hope you aren't placard- _planning_ on throwing that at Jacobstown."

"Our business is with the muties, not with you," their leader grunts.

"You need to leave," Lola says firmly. The leader scoffs and grabs her, pulling her to him in an effort to intimidate her. Boone inhales sharply at the sight, and reaches for his sniper rifle, Marcus be damned.

"And what are you going to do about it?" he sneers. "You one of their fucktoys or something?" The merc's eyes widen slightly as he feels the edge of her combat knife slipped underneath the folds of his armor and against his stomach.

"If you don't leave," she says, calmly and slowly, gently pressing the knife against his stomach for emphasis. "I will maker- _make_ you wish you were fighting the super mutants." She continues, keeping her voice slow so she won't trip over any stray syllables, and presses the knife harder against his skin. "When I'm done with you, there won't be enough left to fill a gore bag."

"Jesus," the merc says, blanching and raising his arms in a gesture of surrender. "Okay, okay. I believe you-we'll leave." He steps back and she lets him, warily tracking his movements. His eyes meet hers, and she unflinchingly holds his gaze; she doesn't have to wonder what he sees in her eyes that causes him to turn away. He shudders, motioning to his crew, and they turn, leaving Jacobstown. She watches them as they move down the cracked road, and Boone watches through his scope, his finger hovering over the trigger. Lola turns, the harsh expression on her face sending shivers down his spine, and he holsters his rifle when she begins to walk back.

Marcus whistles lowly as she walks up, affectionately hitting her shoulder.

"And you said you weren't good with words," he says. She offers him a tentative smile, and Boone breathes a silent sigh of relief when that smile wipes the violence from her face.

"You don't wanna know what I said," she admits. "But I handled it. They shouldn't be pack- _back_ again _._ " Marcus makes a noncommittal grunt, and Lola takes her place next to Lily again to finish gardening.

"My Becky sure knows how to deal with bullies," Lily says fondly as Lola kneels down and Lola nods, not correcting her about the name. Boone watches as the supermutant licks her large blue thumb to wipe a spot of dirt from Lola's cheek, and the warmth in Lola's smile contrasts sharply with the previous harshness of her expression. It makes something in his chest ache, and he tentatively walks up to Lola, arguing with himself with every step. She looks up at his approach, the wide brim of Lily's hat covering her eyes, and Boone grunts,

"You alright?"

"Had you watching my back, didn't I?" she says casually in response. A hint of a good-natured smirk creeps up on her face, and _goddamnit,_ that shouldn't make him feel as good as it does.

"Not that you needed me to," Boone says. "Handled yourself pretty well."

"Wouldn't have tried if I hadn't name- _known_ you were right behind me," she says. Before Boone can think of a response, Arcade calls the two of them from the porch of the lodge. Lola's brow furrows, and she pulls the hat off of her head to hand to Lily. She stands, brushing the dirt off of her hands, and the two of them make their way to the lodge. Worry covers Arcade's face, and Boone doesn't miss the way he keeps his eyes on Lola as he leads them back to Doc Henry's lab. They walk into the lab to see Doc Henry working intently on something, with a female ghoul in a lab coat at his side.

"Hey, so you're the one who dealt with the nightstalkers," the ghoul says. "Nice work-sorry I missed it."

"Thanks," Lola says. "I'm Lola."

"Calamity," she answers. She looks over at Doc Henry, still absorbed in his work. She nudges him with her elbow. "Doc, they're here." Henry looks up as if in a daze, and his eyes focus on Lola.

"Ah, yes," he says. "Thank you, Calamity. Lola-I'd like to hire you as a guard for tonight."

"Of course," Lola says. "What's the occasion?"

"I'm running an experiment on the Mark II Stealth Boy prototype, and I'd like some extra muscle in case something goes wrong. Would you mind talking to Lily for me?"

"What's Lily have to do with this?" Lola's voice echoes unsurely in Boone's ears, and his brow furrows.

"She's helping me test the prototype," Doc Henry answers.

"What are the risks of such an experiment?" Arcade asks, noticing Lola's look of distress.

"Possible immediate and permanent mental damage," Doc Henry answers without missing a beat. "If the experiment goes wrong, the worst case scenario would be Lily becoming completely unhinged. The best case, she forgets everything about her time as a human."

"Why does it have to be Lily?" Lola asks, a fierce protective instinct she's unfamiliar with welling up in her chest.

"Well, Lily is certainly eccentric, but I've never thought she was dangerous," Doc Henry says. "More importantly, she asked if she could help in someway. I've told her about the risks but she still insists on helping me."

"Of course she does," Lola says quietly. "She's a good person."

"I won't have the experiment ready until later so you can spend time with Lily," Doc Henry says and, though his voice is as gruff as always, Lola gets the feeling he is trying to be kind. "And, Lola-if the experiment goes wrong, try to remember her as she is now."

* * *

Lola wanders around the lodge, boots crunching in the snow. She closes her eyes and deeply inhales the cold air. She doesn't remember ever feeling weather like this and finds that, despite her initial protests, she's grown to like it. She sits down on a rotting tree stump. She doesn't like the coldness but something about the snow feels peaceful. She likes Jacobstown, and the super mutant population.

"Human," she hears a rumbling voice say.

"Keene," she answers without opening her eyes. She hears loud, crunching footsteps, and opens her eyes to see the leader of the supermutants looming over her. "What do I owe the perseverance- _pleasure?"_ He scoffs, blinking snow out of his eyes, and says,

"You stink of unhappiness." When she doesn't reply he says, in a much louder voice, "Why does a human care about a nightkin?"

"Lily's a good, kind person," she says. "She's my friend."

"Have you met Leo?" he scoffs.

"Lily's not Leo," Lola says simply. He looks at her, confusion contorting his already monstrous features.

"You are an odd one, human," he says. "To be so concerned about Lily taking part in Henry's damnable experiments."

"Don't you want a cure?" she asks curiously. He pulls his lips back, showing molted and yellowed teeth.

"Stealth boy use has a cumulative adverse effect on the psyche. Jacobstown was supposed to be a sanctuary for my people, but instead we wait for a cure and I am forced to watch my people getting worse." He sounds, underneath his booming rage, very bitter.

"It seems like Henry and Marcus are doing the best they can," she says slowly.

"Marcus may lead this town, but the Nightkin listen to what _I_ have to say," he says almost smugly. "However, that doesn't mean I don't respect what Marcus is trying to do here. He just doesn't understand the difficulties of being a Nightkin." Lola looks out to the horizon, watching the Strip shine brightly against the setting sun, and startles when Keene says,

"Why do you fight your nature, human?"

"What do you make- _mean?"_ she asks.

"Marcus says nightkin must get treatment in order to eventually fit into human society, but you-you're like us. You can't fit in."

"Sure I can," she says. "Just gotta work at it."

"To what end?"

"Why do you keep your Nightkin here?" she shoots back. After a heavy moment of silence, Keene says,

"Ah."

"Gets lonely."

"That it does." The nightkin moves, his head blocking the light from the Lucky 38. He looks down at her, and she politely looks away from him.

"We're both just trying to take care of our people," he says, and his words oddly touch her heart.

"Mostly, my people take care of me," she answers softly.

"Goodbye, human," Keene rumbles. "I hope we both get what we want." As the nightkin's lumbering footsteps echo away into obscurity, Lola gives thought to what it is she wants. Her thoughts turn to Boone, and she shakes her head, trying to push his image from her eyes by staring up into the starry night.

* * *

Reluctantly, Lola goes in search of Lily to talk to her about Doc Henry's experiment. She finds the supermutant in a corner room on the first floor, and can't stop the smile at the decorations. Patchwork quilts cover the bed and floor. Lola watches the nightkin swallow half a dose of her medicine.

"Hey, sweetie," Lily says.

"Hey, Lily," Lola says unhappily. Lily pats the seat next to her. She sits down next to Lily, and finds her legs don't touch the floor. By contrast, the Nightkin seems to engulf the chair she sits in.

"So, I see you've spoken to Doc Henry." Lola looks up at her questioningly, and Lily smiles, tapping her head. "I was told," she says in response to Lola's unspoken question.

"Leo?"

"Leo sees and hears a lot of things I don't," Lily says. Lola doesn't respond, so Lily continues. "Have I ever told you about when I was human?"

"You've told me about your grandkids," Lola says. "But not much else."

"The Master, back before," Lily starts, her eyes shining with a startling clarity. "He- _it-_ came to Vault 17. My vault. The first time I ever saw the sun was when I was being dragged across the wasteland dirt." Here, she smiles and the sight of it fills Lola with an indescribable sadness. "It blinded me at first-my eyes were used to the incandescent lights of the vault. I had spent 75 years underground. I had a long, fulfilling life. I had known the love of a good man, and had a beautiful daughter. And two grandchildren whom I loved dearly." Fat tears roll down Lily's cheeks, and she reaches one hand to wipe them away. "My grand children never got that chance. The FEV didn't take with them. Instead of turning them into super mutants, it-it-"

"Shh," Lola says, grabbing Lily's hand. Lily's blue hand eclipses Lola's-three of Lily's fingers make up the width of Lola's palm, but she holds on to those fingers with all she's got. "You ain't gotta talk about aerial- _anything_ you don't want to." Lily pats Lola's hand.

"You've always been a sweet girl, Becky," she says, her eyes becoming cloudy again as her medicine takes effect. She reaches one large hand up to gently pinch Lola's cheek. "Gramma's little sweetheart." Lola smiles so hard it hurts her cheeks to keep tears from spilling over them-she can't remember being _anyone's_ sweetheart and, for the first time, can't seem to come to terms with loss.

* * *

"You might want to stand back," Doc Henry says. Lola nods, backing up against the wall of the cabin. She worries at the fingernails of one hand with her teeth. Boone reaches out to take her hand, but pulls it back before Lola can notice. Arcade looks at him, and Boone doesn't meet his gaze. Arcade is the one that pulls Lola's hand from her teeth, and she gifts him a weak smile when he entwines his fingers with hers, squeezing her palm. Boone, his arms are crossed tightly across his chest and his face unreadable, clenches his own hand in response.

"Okay Lily," Doc Henry says, and Lola pushes down the anger she feels at his casual tone. "I want you to fire up the prototype."

"Alright," Lily says. A sharp crackling echoes throughout the room, and the sharp smell of ozone assaults Lola's nose as Lily disappears from view. The nightkin makes a pleased sound.

"How do you feel, Lily?" Doc Henry asks.

"Feels nice," Lily says, her words slurred. "I like that you can't see me!"

"We need to see how it reacts based on certain emotions. Lily, I'd like you to imagine smashing a radscorpion." Lily's laugh sounds happy, and she yells,

"LILY SMASH!" Calamity scribbles notes furiously on a paper attached to a clipboard, eyes darting back and forth between her notes and the equiptment monitoring Lily's status.

"Good," Doc Henry says. "Now, I want you to imagine something that makes you happy."

"Gardening with Becky this morning," Lily says dreamily. "My girl's a quick study!" Lola's face crumples in unhappiness, and Arcade wraps an arm around her shoulders.

"It's going well," he whispers. "She's still herself."

"Good. Alright, Lily-go ahead and power down the stealth boy." There's a heavy moment as Lily remains invisible, but eventually she comes back into view.

"Aw," she says, handing it back to Doc Henry. "I liked having it on."

"The preliminary results look promising," he says, taking the clipboard from Calamity. "We'll have to space out the tests, but eventually-"

"Well, well," a mocking voice echoes, interrupting Doc Henry, and Lola hears the sound of clapping. "Congratulations on getting the Mark II prototype functional, doctor. Now hand it over, and we'll be on our way."

"Keene," Henry says, unfazed and as though he is not surprised to see the leader of the nightkin and his entourage flooding the doorway.

"It's too dangerous for you to use it," Lola tries. "Steam- _Stealth_ boy use has an adverse effect on the mind when repeatedly used, remember? _You_ told me that."

"Our lives, our decision to make!" Keene barks. "We're tired of sitting around Jacobstown, waiting for a cure!" At the venom in his voice, their earlier conversation echoes in her ears and she wonders just how long he'd been planning to steal the prototype.

"Doctor Henry doesn't have the cure yet, but he's almost there," Lola says. "Jest- _Just_ be patient."

"No!" Keene roars, knocking Henry's equipment to the floor. Lola tries not to wince at the sound of it shattered. "No more waiting! No more promises! Give me the stealthy boy now, or I will take it by force!"

"I can't let you take it," Lola says, sorrowfully apologetic. Keene moves to push past her, but she stands in his way with her feet planted firmly on the ground. He snarls, his hand snaking out like a shot of blue lightening. One of Keene's large, blue hands wraps around her neck. Lola reaches for her pistol, holstered on her hip but Keene's other hand knocks her pistol away.

"I'm sorry," he says. "But I can't allow you to stand in my way." However, the following snarl of unrestrained pride discredits his apology, and distressed malice lights up the Nightkin's face as she chokes.

"Keene-" she gasps. Her hands grasp at fingers, wrapping around the width of three of them, and she tries in vain to pull his fingers from her throat.

"You shouldn't have fought your nature, human," he says as he squeezes her neck tighter. "It has only gotten you killed." She gasps, the last of her air escaping her mouth. Her head begins to pound, and the only thing filling up her world is the feeling of Keene's hand around her throat. She hears his laughter echo in her ears as though she is in some faraway place, and her vision begins to shake with darkness. At this rate, he'll crush her throat. _Nonononono-_

A gunshot rings out and, almost as if she were watching it in slow motion, Keene's blood splatters on her face as his head explodes. For a split second, she's worried he'll hold on to her throat even in death, but his body crumples and she drops to the floor. The last thing she sees is half of Keene's face, one eye seeming to glare balefully at her, as though in judgment. She thinks she can hear someone calling her name, but she can't focus on it before she falls into blessed unconsciousness.

Boone swings his rifle to aim at the other Nightkin who had followed Keene into the lab, but they've frozen numbly at the sight of their leader dead on the ground. One growls, taking a step toward Lola, and Boone shoots him in the chest. He falls with a deafening thud.

"Stay the fuck away from her," he growls. The other nightkin who had walked in with Keene backs into the wall, knocking one of Henry's paintings from the wall. He turns and runs, his footsteps echoing thunderously throughout the lodge. The other supermutants and nightkin, gathered at the doorway, part for him. They begin to whisper as though to fill the silence.

" _Keene is dead!"_

" _The blood girl didn't want to fight."_

" _Hopeless case, hopeless case!"_

" _Quiet man's heart beats in his chest for the blood girl."_

Boone ignores their hushed ramblings, running to Lola. He sets his rifle down and slips one arm underneath her. He pulls her to his chest, and her hair falls away to reveal ugly purple bruising across her throat.

"You don't get to die on me," Boone says quietly to her, hoping she can hear him. He brushes her hair over her scar-absurdly, he remembers she doesn't like having attention drawn to it. He shouts for Arcade who kneels down beside him an instant later.

* * *

 _Pain._ It's always pain she wakes up to. She shifts, feeling a soreness in her throat when she swallows and a pounding in her head when she opens her eyes. She's in one of the spare rooms of the lodge, and she can see the stars through the patchy holes in the ceiling. A patchwork quilt lays heavily over her.

"Hey," Boone says hoarsely. He's propping his head up with one hand on his cheek, but he seems to straighten when she stirs. She startles-his sunglasses are hanging on the collar of his shirt, and the intensity of his face is a bit frightening. She can see fatigue written under his eyes, and anger scrawled across his brow. But his eyes scare her the most. His eyes are alight with something she can't recognize, something that is burning a hole right through her, and she squirms as if she were underneath a magnifying glass.

"You're awake. Thank God." Her throat stings, and her body aches, but she pushes herself up on one hand, leaning back against the headboard.

"If" she starts, then stops in frustration. She takes a deep breath. "If I could talk better-if I _were better,_ I could have talked Keene down."

"Nothing could have stopped him," Boone says. His voice reminds her of the sound of broken glass, and she furrows her brow-had he had anything to drink at all since she'd been out? She tries to open her mouth to ask, but Boone says,

"Keene was a monster."

"Not by choice," she says. "Their brains-the nightkin-they're not right. They can't help it-"

"He had a choice," Boone insists. "And he chose to hurt you. That's the last mistake he ever made."

"I wish you'd found a different way," she says. She hadn't wanted to kill the nightkin, and she holds on to that.

"He had his hands around your throat, and this-this gleeful look in his eyes. There was no choice."

"Killing him was-" Lola starts to say _wrong_ but stops short when Boone whispers,

"It was him or you; there was no choice, _"_ Boone says. " _I chose you."_ The last three words are said so quietly that Lola just wants to consider them a slip of the tongue-but they hang so painfully in the air that they're hard for her to ignore. It's only then that she notices that Boone has been holding her hand, and she wonders how she hadn't noticed it before. The heat of his skin almost burns her, and she can feel the weathered skin of his palm underneath hers. She cautiously closes her fingers around his, feeling callouses on his fingers, and his grip tightens.

"I," she starts, pushing herself up. He leans forward to better hear her. There are so many things she wants to say, and she reaches for the words. Before she can grasp them, the door to the room bursts open. Boone jerks away from her as a weight lands on the bed next to her.

"Lola!" Veronica says, pulling her into a tight hug. Lola chuckles, shifting to get more comfortable.

"Hahaha-ah, hey," she says with a soft wince, hugging her back. Her hands grip the fabric of Veronica's tunic and she rests her head against the girl's shoulder. The hand that was clenched in Boone's grip feels empty without the weight of his palm.

"We didn't interrupt anything, did we?" Cass calls, leaning against the doorway. Boone crosses his arms, glaring at the wall and purposefully not meeting Cass' gaze as he puts his sunglasses back on.

"I'm sorry," a voice says from the doorway, and Lola turns her head to see Marcus. His form engulf the doorway, blocking what little light was coming from the hallway, but even in the shadows she can make out the sorrowful furrow of his brow. "But when you and your cyberdog are well, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Keene was the leader of the nightkin, and I'm not sure I'll be able to control them without him."

"Of course," Arcade answers. "I'm only sorry it got out of hand."

"Sorry about Keene," Lola says guiltily, trying not to feel happy about Boone's words. _I chose you._ She'd only wishes he hadn't had to choose at all.

"I am too," Marcus says, clasping the man on the shoulder. "I'll do my best to remind everyone of the good you all have done for us, and how Keene's madness would have only worsened things for us if it were allowed to continue. My hope is to be able to see you all here again someday, but we'll have to wait for the anger at Keene's death to die down." Marcus leaves, and Lily takes his place, moving from behind him into the doorway. Lola swallows nervously but finds her voice.

"Lily. How are you feeling?" she asks hoarsely.

"I'm just fine, sweetie," Lily says, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Veronica scoots so the nightkin will have room, and the bed sinks underneath Lily's weight. "Sweetie, about your offer-" Lola's heart sinks, but she forces herself to keep her tone light.

"Staying here?" Lily nods, the brim of her hat bouncing.

"With Keene gone, the Nightkin need someone to take care of them," she says. "And, thanks to you, I'm myself most days."

"I understand," she says with a smile. "You need to take cave- _care_ of your people."

* * *

They left Jacobstown early the next morning, and traveled the entire day. Lola hardly spoke during the day, only speaking to set a course for Freeside. She knew getting Rex back to the King should feel right but she selfishly didn't want to give the dog back yet. She'd grown fond of the canine, and it felt natural to have him walking at her heels.

Boone hadn't strayed far from her side while the group traveled, despite Rex, and she wasn't sure how to feel about it, so she forced herself to feel nothing at all.

They traveled well into the night, setting up camp in one of the more sturdy abandoned buildings along the highway. They're next to some sort of failed molerat ranch, and Camp McCarren looms in the distance closely behind them. The lights of Vegas shine brightly in the Mojave night. Lola can make out the Lucky 38, and the colors of the neon lights of the Strip. She stares at the distant city for a long time, almost fascinated by the colors.

"Carla loved the lights," Boone says so quietly that he might as well have not said anything at all. Lola looks over at him. Shadows dancing across his face, and he looks out the window to the distance lights of Vegas with an expression that makes Lola's heart ache. He looks like a man uneasy with his grief. She swallows, and says,

"I tried to find her." He turns his gaze to her, the sadness gone, and the atomic blast of fear that lights up his face makes her wish she hadn't said anything at all.

"What?" he asks, turning to face her fully. She startles, unconsciously taking a step back when she realizes how close the two of them are. She can feel his breath brush across her cheek.

"At the Fort," she says unsurely. "I asked-" her explanation ends in a gasp as Boone's fingers dig into her upper arms. She falls silent at his touch.

"You didn't," he says, his voice on the edge of blind panic. "Tell me you didn't!"

"I-I just-"

"Damn it! She's dead! Why did you put yourself in danger for that?" He slightly shakes her, his fingers clinging to her as though she would slip through his fingers. She looks at him with a shadowed question across her face.

"Boone, what is it you aren't talking- _telling_ me about your wife?" she asks quietly.

"You got no right asking me that," Boone says, and his voice freezes her in a way the snow of Jacobstown never could. He releases her arms to step away from her.

"I tried to find her," she tries again, rubbing her arms. The absence of the warmth of Boone's hands leaves her skin cold. "She could still be-"

"Drop it," he almost pleads, his voice a harsh whisper.

"Sorry," she says with a wince. "Didn't mean to hit a sour- _sore_ spot." He sighs, his gaze moving back to the faraway lights of Vegas.

"It's just not something I'm ready to talk about," he says finally. "With you or anyone." She nods.

"I'm sorry," she says again, and her voice hangs quietly between them. She reaches for him but he jerks back, and she lets her hand fall to her side. "I just wanted to help." He sighs again, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I know you did," he says finally. "I know. But it isn't something you can help with."

"How do you know she's dead?" she asks past the lump in her throat.

"I just know," Boone snaps. "And let's leave it at that." He sighs, leaning his elbows on the windowsill. He slumps, like a man weighed down with something he can't carry. She wants to reach out and comfort him, but she knows better. He's completely shut off from her now and so she leaves the room, not looking back as she closes the door behind her.


End file.
